Ouch.

I never thought this week could get any worse. Today has been hell. Absolute hell. I’m so stressed out, hurt, confused, disappointed, scared..just totally sick from it all. My ear is still hurting like hell and I feel just sick. To make things even worse my mum has some kinda lump on her toe and she’s been in pain all day too. It’s so frustrating. She has diabetes and she won’t stop feeding herself the things that make it worse. I beg her not to. She sat there eating and eating and it just made me so mad. I dunno. Here it is we’re both sick. We need medical fuckin attn and can’t even get it..I’m so disgusted with myself.. with it all. I just don’t even care anymore…i can hardly process what I’m feeling or what’s happening in my life right now. I hate me and I hate where I am. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing but deal with it. But why should I really? I’m tired of suffering. Tired of pretending everything is peachy when its just candy coated madness. My one comfort..music..the ipod is frozen on teardrop-massive attack and portishead. why THAT song? Of all songs I wish it wouldn’t have been that..i’ve got enough on my mind without adding another factor. I had it on lock b4 I plugged it into the comp and yea it’s frozen..so I guess after the battery runs all the way out it’ll work. Whatever..I can’t listen to it comfortably anyway because of this ear. The drops and antibiotics are not helping..well my throat is way better. I think I’ll find something to knit because I need a distraction…some kind of beauty in all this chaos.

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