I’ve fallen in love with John Mayer’s song gravity. It’s quickly climbed to my top 25 most played songs in like a day :p
Today was a bit better..everyday gets better and better. I think the thing that’s changing is definitely my view of things..I’m not looking at this as if it’s larger, greater than what I have inside me. I’m learning to see with those eyes of faith 🙂 It’s kinda weird..pleasantly weird.
I just wanted to write a little about what I feel about my sister’s addiction..
I can’t say she’s better. I can’t say she isn’t still putting her life up her nose. I can’t say she has found a place of reflection..a surreal place in which she can see that there are much more important things to stay awake..alert..sober for. I can’t say she is happy. I can’t say she is sad. I can’t say she feels at all. I can’t say she can see her family around her..reaching for that daughter, sister, cousin that they once knew and still love with a passion. I can’t say that she has a drive to live..meliorate..enjoy the sunrise or sunset. I can’t say that she doesn’t feel alone when the bottle is empty and there are 0 refills. I can’t say she has edified sight. I can’t say she is the big sister I so desperately need. I can’t say she is found…she is lost..searching for that guidance that she never got correctly. I can’t say she hears. What I can say is that every night I pray..Pray for her to find a reason..to have the strength to let go of the past and reach for eternity..To want to live. Sober.