Fade and then Return
I just got done with my Music Appreciation midterm..did great. Sawwwet ^^
Still feeling like I’m on a big fluffy cloud!
There was a bit of a threatening storm cloud approaching my big fluffy white one! Lol My dear sister..the floating ..um..floater? I got really annoyed with the fact that she lied once again to my mother..I knew when my mom told me she said she got a job, she was lying..My reply was “yea? ..let’s see who’s paying her phone bill.” And whadaya know my mom called me today to ask me to pay her phone bill. I got instantly ANNOYED. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for helping my sister, but when is enough enough? Her bill is $45 and she gets a check every month, yet her mom has to pay her phone bill? On top of that, my mom bought her the phone annd payed it last month! I didn’t want to believe what I suspected, but my mom played me a v-mail she left her and yeaH. The suspected is. I don’t want to support someone who has decided to put their life up their nose. I can’t deal with the constant grief of caring too much for her when she’s not truly living her life. It’s like mourning a person who is alive. We have done so much to help her..she only seems to call for money. I just hope she will wake from this sleep and realize what’s taking her life away. It’s definitely a family disease, but I refuse to accept it! This addiction is not mine or my mother’s. All I can say is..I love my sister. But at this point, love is all I have to offer. My patience has been depleted. Does that make me a bad sister..maybe, maybe not. But I have to keep my best interest and my mother’s in mind. It causes so much stress on her and she doesn’t need that with her condition. I certainly don’t need it either..Definitely don’t want it.
I feel like lately I have just reclaimed my life. Void of so much drama! When I look over the past year, I really can’t believe that I allowed myself to get so deep in nonsense. I’m just glad it’s behind me now, and I will do my very best to keep it that way. I’m starting to wrap my head around the fact that all this is just another stroke of a brush..A blank canvas of possibilities. I knew this once before. I looked on in wonder at all the different hues.. Happy, sad, angry, in love, broken, mended, true, empty, successful, stalled, rich, destitute, fruitful, content, excited, bored, here, there, him, her..all those feelings are like colors..someday my portrait will be beautiful. I’m so glad I realize that this life is a work of art..in progress..I do hope that my masterpiece can help someone to see that there is always beauty. No matter what.
I’m so proud of my mom! She’s been doing so well with her diet! It’s inspiring me to get back on top of my game! Ok enough explanation points! ..after that one