“Just when the catterpillar thought her life was over…

she turned into a butterfly” (: Totally loved that quote..mom read it out randomly from a magazine..there’s a bracelet with that engraved on it..think I just might get that.

Well the last couple days have been easier. I didn’t see any kind of light at the end of this tunnel, but now I can at least feel the warmth that implys it now..That’s about all I wanna say..I know writing/talking about it helps, but I think I’ve done enough of that for now..my dear friend gave me a lot of the same advice I gave her when she was in an almost identical situation..in fact, she’s still suffering quite a bit. She wrote..You can recover from a lost love..but loosing someone you truly love leaves a wound that never really goes away..at least not to those of us who are paying attention. That really struck me. I had to think for a moment..does this mean I will always walk around with this gaping wound..dripping great drops of blood every place I go? No. I think what it means is that I need to find a way to treat the wound..not just cover it, but treat it..then leave it alone. Can any wound heal if you constantly reopen it?

This is not a time for those sad songs..I’m not one of those ppl who can’t listen to totalllly despondent sounding music..I enjoy it if the message is there, but when you are healing..you really need to be careful what you listen to. I realize that now. I do hate when some song creeps in and sticks though..I almost want to listen to it..just hear it and understand that the feelings it may evoke won’t kill me..but I know damn well the feelings just might make cry. I just can’t stand another day like that.

I’m finding it rather difficult at the moment to really get into anything. This is very strange for me because I love new experiences. I guess I just have to keep trying to get that flame burning!!! I miss my light. I really do. These little sparks just won’t do. (:


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