It’s been a rocky few days..today is better and the same. My sister claimed she was going to get a haircut and came back with that dazed stupor on her face. I’m becoming less and less tolerant of her foolishness. That’s all her addiction is to me foolishness. I have a deep heart..am empathetic one. I know her addiction is way more than foolishness. Only she knows what the layers of her illnesses mean to her and why it holds her from herself. I only wish she had the strength to see and care about how damaging it is to my mother..I know this has a ton to do with her anxiety & depression because it gets to me at times. I’m stronger than my mom and I try to stay at the top..above the drama, but it still brushes by me…I’m only human. I can only imagine what it would feel like to watch my daughter slowly and consistently deteriorate.
The more in touch I’m becoming with myself, the more I’m able to grasp and process my feelings. I’m not running from them. I’m no longer afraid of them..good bad ugly happy sad angry..I’m just ready to move through. I’m not trying to distract myself or candy coat the situation. I’m very glad of that.